BOARD of BEHAVIORAL HEALTH CERTIFIED PEER SUPPORT SPECIALIST
Extraordinary Distances PLLC
I always thought that happiness was a destination. If only I get that guy, buy that BMW. I had a cosmic gaping hole deep as the universe was vast within me. Nothing I did, could or would make it better. I drank to numb the noise, fade the "life" I was living. I was existing. I took and did whatever I could to feel that gave me instant relief. It worked, until it didn't. I would imagine those mountain climbers attempting the first ever ascent and summit of the "shark fin" of "Meru". They could physically and mentally overcome these feats and go "extraordinary distances" to capture their visions as reality. Me, I couldn't even figure out how to live life. Everyone around me was growing more and more frustrated. I isolated, I avoided people because of the "social anxiety" and severe PTSD. I was a ticking time bomb. I was angry, afraid and hurting inside. I couldn't trust anyone. I fought and I fought everyone, including the cops. I fought the law and the law won. Several times. My family, well... they wanted to help but only made it worse. My friends, I hid the truth from them. I was "great", "fine" and "okay". I was sure that if I just got the guy to behave, my life would be okay. My employers, I hated them for expecting me to do my job. I was dying inside. Until I became so tired, and broken down.
I wanted something different but didn't know how to get there, I was smart after all. I didn't want people to know that I was struggling. It was just a phase.I'd figure it out. I was smarter than they were. Drinking and drugs were the only thing keeping me from suicide. My own best thinking kept me trapped in the delusion that I had a choice.
Everyone knew, but me.
It wasn't until my last time in jail, a young girl , shared her story with me, her mother was an alcoholic and had taken her own life.That young girl knew something that I didn't, invited me to go to my very first 12-step recovery meeting in jail. I went not only to pass time, but as a mother trying to make her daughter happy. I could have been this girls mother.. I started to wake up. This could be my daughter one day.
I went to my first AA meeting in jail. I met other women who understood and didn't judge me. I mean come on, how could they not judge the ones sitting in jail. Nope! They were just like me. They started to change my perception from 'I" in illness to "We" for wellness. I have a sponsor in AA and I walk with her through the 12- steps. I also have created invaluable trusted relationships with other woman in recovery. They help me when I am struggling, they also assist me with those those tough life challenges. I work my program every single day even when I don't want to. It's a design for living, contingent if I decide to show up for my life.I am grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous , My sponsor and working the 12-steps of recovery. Drinking, drugs and death are no longer an option in my life.
TODAY I have a choice in my life .I get to be the voice that someone needs to hear to foster their own change and growth.. I understand that my recovery isn't your recovery. My type of recovery isn't for everyone. I have dedicated my life to give you that power of CHOICE back. Help you , by walking with you on your own custom designed path of recovery. Please reach out and ask me how we can help you!